Nothing stops your heart like a phone ringing at 2am. Nothing can alleviate the sense of panic as you shoot up in bed and your heart starts to pound inside your head. Nothing can change the mind as it races to find alternative reasons for the phone to be ringing so early in the morning. Yes. This is perfect. My friend Hallie in London has no idea what time it is here and is calling for a jolly chat. Yes. That has to be. But no. The voice that comes softly across the sea is that of a family member. And the heart stops again. The tears come immediately. What can you do. All you can do is ask. "What's up?"
And then the words that you don't want to hear come across the line. Again, your brain races to find a way that you heard it wrong. Really, she said that Grandpa is fine and out of hospital. The single most painful thing of my life happened that night. Being so far away. Not being able to do anything. Feeling so isolated and alone. Not having anyone that knew and loved your Grandfather to the degree that you did near enough to reach out to and share the pain. Nothing can make that pain go away, but someone can help ease the pain. Take on some of the pain onto their own shoulders and let you cry through the sorrow and the emptiness. Be there for you to lean on. There to bring you fresh squeezed juice in the morning. There to offer you a plane ride home. Thank you Matthew for just being.
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